The Ghosts We Carry: Afterlife and Redemption in Ptolemaea

Guttural and explicit, Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain rips through conscious thought and resonates in one’s soul upon first listen. Connecting the themes of her album Preacher’s Daughter to the complexities of trauma, identity, and the search for meaning amidst human suffering and resilience, Ptolemaea stands out as a significant piece in Cain’s body of work. Drawing upon mythological references, religious imagery, and Southern Gothic elements, Cain expertly weaves together an auditory experience that excites and stimulates.

The title Ptolemaea references the third round in the ninth layer of Dante’s Inferno, where those who betrayed guests are punished. The spiritual reckoning and suffering are pervasive and oppressive. The song's religious and Gothic imagery creates a space where the narrator can confront their own shortcomings and attempt to reckon with their past. The constant presence of judgment, sin, and the inability to escape one's history adds a layer of introspection to the song, suggesting that Ptolemaea is not just about external forces but also an internal reckoning.

Lyrical Analysis

Lines that reference suffering or self-doubt are imbued with a sense of spiritual longing, where the protagonist may be seeking absolution from an unforgiving force. The imagery of punishment or condemnation also hints at the internalized guilt the narrator feels, which is compounded by their perception of a judgmental, unforgiving world. In this way, Cain’s use of religious imagery speaks not only to the desire for redemption but also to the limitations of that redemption, questioning whether true peace or forgiveness is attainable.

"There’s a fire in my chest / And it keeps me warm"
Here, the fire symbolizes both a source of warmth and destruction. The narrator’s trauma is something that keeps them alive, fueling them, but also consuming them. It’s a paradox where the pain of loss is a constant companion—offering warmth but also causing suffering. This contrast reflects the internal conflict the narrator experiences: even when the fire of grief seems to provide comfort, it is simultaneously burning away at their sense of peace.

"Forgive me, father, for I am lost"
This direct invocation to a paternal figure or God suggests a search for absolution. It captures a feeling of disconnection from a higher power and conveys a sense of spiritual isolation. The act of asking for forgiveness, paired with the declaration of being "lost," suggests the narrator’s internal conflict: they want redemption but feel undeserving or too far gone. The use of the word “father” might also allude to the idea of a parental, authoritative figure, deepening the connection between the narrator’s struggles and their possible upbringing in a religious or oppressive environment.

The Ghosts We Carry

One of the key sources of trauma in Ptolemaea is the narrator's experience with religious and familial influences. The references to "father" and "sin" throughout the song point to an oppressive environment where love and discipline were intertwined with fear, judgment, and guilt. Cain's lyrics evoke the emotional conflict that arises when religious teachings become a source of shame rather than solace. The trauma stemming from such an environment is compounded by a sense of self-doubt and the overwhelming pressure to conform to unreachable standards. These past wounds echo through the narrator’s present, creating a cycle of unresolved pain that shapes their identity.

The tension between suffering and the wish to find solace is evident in the lyrics, where moments of deep emotional agony are counterbalanced by expressions of hope or longing. This emotional push and pull creates a sense of complexity, reflecting the nature of trauma and healing: healing is not linear, and peace is often elusive.

Conclusion

Trauma lingers, much like an afterlife, with the ghosts we carry never fully fading. But they don’t have to define us. The search for redemption is a constant journey, and it’s by facing this darkness that we begin to find peace, even when the pain remains unresolved.